Long story short…….I HATE TAKING PICTURES!!!
When I tell you I can see a camera and out of nowhere I have the speed of Usain Bolt. Im the fastest person on earth when the camera comes peeking its evil lens. I haven’t always been this way but for the past year I have. I’ll politely volunteer in a minute to take the picture for someone or I’ll politely slide out of the way or in the very back of a group picture.
One day out of boredom I found myself looking through the pictures in my phone. Out of a combination of 300 pictures and memes there was not one picture of me in it. No selfies, no group pictures, no nothing with my face on it. One picture in particular I ran across was my son at our very first major league baseball game. Most of the pictures from that day either were of him alone enjoying the day or him with my friend’s children. Cool right? NO!!! Keep in mind this was also my first major league game experiences so you’d think I would have at least one picture with myself in it to capture the moment. NOPE NOT ME! It dawned on me that in this particular picture my friend actually offered to take the picture of my son and I together but I declined and told her I’d just get him in it.
Now months later after replaying this situation in my mind I had to just be honest with myself. I said “self, be honest” and I replied “ok self, my name is Shenika and I hate the way I look in pictures right now”. At that point everything came into perspective and hit me like a ton of bricks. That is when the guilt and feeling of being so selfish set in. I am one of my son’s biggest supporters in absolutely everything he does and looking through pictures you would never even know that I was a participant in anything he does. 99.3% of the time I am the one behind the camera instead of in front of the camera being captured in great moments he is experiencing because I couldn’t put my feelings aside about my self-consciousness. All of these pictures of my son with my hubs, my son with grandparents, my son with friends and family, and not one with my son and his mama.
I told myself right then that something had to give and despite any insecurities I have I will get in front of that camera , even if it’s only to share moments of lasting memories with him, because he means just that much to me and so much more. I am very proud to say that I’ve kept that promise.
Now to work on me and my comfort.
Looking back through albums on social media seeing myself being “myself” full of energy, all smiles and laughter, and 25lbs lighter I realize that……… Something has got to give. Now I’m not body-shaming myself at all. There is not one person in this world that I aspire to look like but my best self. Now don’t get me wrong there are some bad chicks walking around in their fashion nova one piece jumpsuits doing the damn thing. But hell “I was a bad chick back in my day too”. So my goal right now is to get back to being my best ME. Drop a few pounds, get back in some of my favorite outfits that have become a bit snug/tight/won’t zip anymore, smile more, and make time to do whatever else makes me happy. Side Note: when my son gets to high school I have decided that I’m going to be the hot mom. I can hear the kids now “your sister is hot” and my boy getting mad having to correct them “that’s not my sister it’s my MOM”. YASSSSSSSSSSSS
Often times as moms we can lose ourselves in the hustle and bustle of taking care of everyone and everything. That’s exactly what I found to have happened to me. But how can we take care of others and not be taking care of ourselves? How can we be the best mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend and not be taking care of ourselves? It’s just not a balance. I don’t want a sick doctor trying to take care of my sick self so I definitely feel like we need to be our best selves so that we can encourage others to be the same. So we must be mindful of finding OUR time daily, set small goals and activities for ourselves, learn something new, go to the gym and make the best out of your workouts, read something spicy that takes you into another world, dream about Ralph Angel, twerk until your lower back burns, laugh until you cry and your stomach cramps, JUST DO YOU. Time is flying by so fast so we must take advantage of every moment. Now I’ll admit, I started my journey EVERY Monday FRESH for the entire month of October and still never started. But I’m focused now…..slowly but surely.
Queens, work on becoming the best you. Pose in those pictures and KILL IT! LET’S DO IT TOGETHER!!!!